I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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