I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
