Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a hot homeless man
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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