you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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