swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
