I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
