We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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