Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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