It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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