no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
