Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
