I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
