we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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