You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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