sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
