I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
