in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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