cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
