She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
