I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
