If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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