I just pynch a tree in the face
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
