Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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