My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
