I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
