Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
