tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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