im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
