drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i think i just lost a toe
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
