Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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