if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i love accidental penises.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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