Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
