im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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