He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
