I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
