The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
