I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
