he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
