You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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