He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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