dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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