I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
