with your own penis?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
