the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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