Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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