just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
