dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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