We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
