it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
