Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
