I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We are two peas in an std pod
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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