apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
