We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
